Imagine this: it’s your infant son’s one-month birthday celebration and you’ve dressed him to the nines. A crisp white dress shirt, ironed out khakis, and a pair of the world’s smallest, and possibly most adorable, boat shoes to match. He looks perfectly dapper and has a great party. On the way home, you decide to run a quick errand. Your husband chooses to stay in the car with your sleeping baby while you run into the store. You’re gone for maybe 15 minutes and as you walk back to the car, you check your phone. There are 7 missed calls and three text messages. All the calls are from your husband and the texts are pictures of your baby crying his eyes out, and the last picture is of his back, completely smeared top to bottom with mustard colored gooeyness. You’re now running to the car. You find your scowling husband, red in the face, in the back of your SUV holding a naked baby draped only in a blanket. There are used wipes everywhere on the  car floor. Your baby looks at you with pleading eyes, dried tear marks on his little cheeks and a pouty bottom lip that could cave the toughest of moms. That, my friends, is a true story. It’s my story.

Apparently, while I was gone, our infant son let out what I can only refer to as a pooplosion all over himself and in his car seat. The sheer volume of poop was extraordinary. How could such a wee little thing create so much poop?! My husband was extremely annoyed that I had missed all of his calls (pleas) for help. But what he was more upset about was that he didn’t have enough wipes to clean up the mess, and, wait for it, it gets better – I didn’t pack a change of clothes for our baby. I know, I know – what was I thinking?! Looking back, the situation could’ve been resolved in a much more calm (and efficient) manner. (Isn’t hindsight always 20/20?) But when you’re in the moment, as brand-new parents no less, a public pooplosion can be absolutely harrowing and definitely a cause for panic. So there we were in a parking lot – a semi-clean, semi-nude baby wrapped in a blanket, a wad of poop soaked clothes, a car seat covered in poop, a dirty diaper that was so smeared in goo that it was pretty much unrecognizable, and… well, there we were. It all boiled down to this – my husband wondering why there wasn’t a change of clothes available, and my asking myself why I didn’t think to pack enough wipes and a change of clothes in the diaper bag. Face palm. #newmomfail

There you have it – my inspiration for this post. We laugh about that afternoon now, but we were such a hot mess with all four of our hands covered in mustard goo and the car reeking of poop the entire drive home. So, I hope the below list will be of some help, and prevent other parents from having a real crappy end to an otherwise magnificent day.

What every infant diaper bag should hold:

• Diapers — duh.
• Wipes — not only are they great for dirty bums, but they’re great for dirty hands and spills as well. Get a carrying case and throw in a bunch.
• Butt Paste — because sensitive tooshies shouldn’t have to suffer on-the-go.
• A change, or even two, of clothes — because, well, need I say more? This should include tops, bottoms, and socks.
• Blanket — I like to carry two. A light one like a receiving or muslin blanket, and a slightly thicker one like a knit in case of chilly weather.
• Burp cloth — just as easily as they explode poop, they can also projectile-vomit milk, so keep yourself covered with a burp cloth (or two).
• Washcloths — just in case you run out of wipes, they’re your next best bet. They’re also great for droolers.
• A light jacket and hat — to shield the elements.
• Hand Sanitizer — again, duh.
• A spare bottle of formula or breastmilk — for emergency feedings or when you’re stuck in traffic
• Nursing cover (purely preferential)
• Pacifiers — because sometimes parents just need a bit of quiet time
• Wet bag — for poop-soaked garments
• Diaper bags — when a trash can isn’t easily accessible and you don’t want a stinky diaper rolling around in your car or bag.
• Small toys — for baby’s entertainment (and your sanity)