Screen-Shot-2014-10-10-at-10.01.56-AMOne of the best things about being in a committed romantic relationship with someone else is basically being able to have a willing sex partner at your beck and call. Finished washing the dishes and giving the kids a bath, and feeling in the mood to get a bit… dirty? All you’ve got to do is walk ten paces to the couch, swat the beer can out of your hubby’s hand, and proceed to get yours.  At least, that’s the way it should be. Anyone who’s been married — heck, anyone who’s been in a relationship that’s lasted beyond the “honeymoon phase” — knows that the flames of passion oftentimes die down to smoldering embers. (Anyone who says otherwise is lying.) Jobs, kids, responsibilities, the loss of mystery that comes from seeing your partner sitting on the toilet — there a number of reasons why the sex in a relationship can go from I-can’t-wait-to-jump-your-bones-when-you-get-home-tonight to I-mean-I-guess-if-you-want-to-we-can. Even when the love between two partners is still there. But just because things have cooled down doesn’t mean that you can’t turn the heat back up — after all, the fire was there to begin with in the first place. Here are five tips to help you go from lukewarm to let’s-get-it-on in no time at all.

Do it…

And then ask questions. This is a sure-fire way to get to the bottom of what both you and your partner want out of your sexual relationship. Laura Gray over at Mars Venus advises asking the following four questions:

1. What did you like?
2. What didn’t you like?
3. What would you want more of?
4. What would you like to try next time?

By opening up the channels of communications between you and your partner, you’ll be able to find different ideas and areas to explore as you work on rekindling your intimacy and passion. Consider it a road map with helpful hints along the way.

Don’t like surprises? Time to change your mind on that one. 

Part of what makes the beginning of a sexual relationship with someone so wonderful is the spontaneity of sex. You can be in the middle of having dinner with your guy and then just feel the urge to get physical with him. That feeling can get lost as physical lust and infatuation die down and routine starts to set in. So start incorporating the element of surprise back into your sex life, by having sex when you usually don’t. Tell him to come home for lunch one week, and after he finishes his meal and is getting ready to leave, serve him some dessert. When he expresses surprise, tell him you think you should start keeping each other on your toes when it comes to sex. He’ll get the hint and then hopefully surprise you with something when you least expect it. Not knowing the next time you’re going to get down helps keep arousal up.

Increase your repertoire.

Penetrative sex is great, but it definitely shouldn’t be the be-all and end-all of intimacy between you and your partner, especially if all you guys ever have is missionary-style sex in your bed. There are so many other ways and places that can let you guys get hot and heavy, and help you to explore other parts of your bodies. Bust out some scented oils and a few candles and give each other a sensual massage by the pool — while also in the buff — to release some of the day’s tension. Or let your partner sit back and watch while you touch yourself in ways only you know how to do. The beauty of adding variety to the kinds of sexual acts you and your partner partake in is that it’ll increase lust and make penetrative sex feel that much more special when you do have it.

Open up your relationship.

To items like toys, food, and beverages, that is. (If you want to open up your relationship, that’s a whole different topic.) Contrary to popular thought, you don’t have to be a dominatrix or some kind of kink queen to enjoy using toys. They say that cutting off one sense heightens the other four, so why not introduce some noise-canceling headphones or a blindfold? You can also combine dinner and dessert by bringing in something tasty like chocolate syrup. A cup of ice is also something to good to have on hand — the combination of cold from the ice and warmth from your mouths is something you need to experience for yourselves. And having a few alcoholic drinks might be just the thing to help lower your inhibitions and let you explore a bit of your wild sides.

Get your blood pumping.

Outside of the bedroom. If you don’t get enough exercise, increasing how many calories you burn a day is a proven way to increase the passion in your relationship. Just thirty minutes a day of moderate-intensity cardio has been proven to increase self-esteem, decrease negativity and depression, and increase relaxation — not to mention help tone and shape your body. You’ll feel better about yourself, which will translate into how you carry yourself and approach life, which will translate into your sex life when your partner takes notice. It’s a win-win for your health and for your love life.

We hope these tips help! Let us know what tips and tricks you use to bring the spice in your bedroom.

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