After spending too much time in the dating pool, you think you may have found someone special — finally. He’s sweet and attentive, smart and funny, but you two are still in the “honeymoon” phase. You’ve got to enjoy this time because if things go well, you’ll learn about all the other stuff as it comes. Nothing’s perfect forever, right? Here’s the thing though: a lot of times, people tend to do too much at the beginning, putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on a potentially-great thing. Especially once friends and family get involved — and that’s just tragic. Here, Weekly Sauce brings you some tips to keep your budding relationship on the right path without involving others who, although they may have the best intentions, could probably end up ruining your honeymoon before it’s time to start thinking about reality.
Need to Know?
The people that have been in your life forever are going to have questions about you and your new relationship. That’s a given. But regardless of their place in your circle or your past conversations, try to keep specific details about your new love at a minimum. People don’t necessarily need to know that the two of you were plotting out a weekend excursion in the mountains and while planning you had a huge argument. Remember that everyone in your life won’t understand the connection between the two of you and that although you may have had a tiff, you got over it within a couple of days. Sometimes you tell people about minor issues that you may be having with your beau, and they never forget about it. And they never let you forget about it, either. Keep whatever information you share on a strictly need-to-know basis.
Everyone has that one friend that starts new relationships and before they tell you, they tell Instagram or Facebook. With all of the new technology available, you may be tempted to share your love with the world through a stream of pictures or videos, but take heed. Everyone looking at your page may not have the best thoughts in mind when it comes to you and your relationship. Try to keep negative energies from influencing your new love. Especially if it’s something as easy as keeping it off of social media. One thing that you could do if the euphoria is too much to keep to yourself is to post pictures of your date without actually showing your boyfriend’s face. Take a picture of your drinks or the picnic basket and keep the tags away until you guys are set for a substantial amount of time. Some people wait up to a year to post their boo online.
Communication Is Key
If something goes wrong in a conversation you’re having with boo, rather than go to your mother for advice, try talking it out with him. It’s important that you to work out your issues together anyway, and you don’t know that the advice that worked for someone else will work for you. Even if you have to prod him into sharing certain feelings, it’s better that he does it with you rather than his friends and vice-versa. You always want to make sure that you are talking to each other and understanding the problem, or at least trying to understand what the other is saying. A difference in communication skills can lead to bigger issues down the road, so it’s best to nip it in the bud the first time you notice that you may have a rift in getting your point across to each other.
Watch the people that you are confiding in. A lot of times — and this is a sticky situation — you may find yourself in something new with someone that makes you extraordinarily happy, but maybe some of your closest friends haven’t had that sort of feeling in a while and without knowing it, they may be sabotaging your relationship. “Girl, I don’t know about him.” Or, “See? He went out with his friends? Again? And you’re okay with that?” You should answer “Yes,” and then change the subject, quickly. Be sure to choose the people that are clearly in your corner when you do feel a need to talk. Also be certain that you and your boyfriend have a talk about who you trust.
What About Your Friends?
Don’t be that person that gets into a relationship and forgets that they have friends who’ve been there since they were single and dating total jerks. It’s all well and good to want to spend time with your new man, but be sure to either set aside extra time to hang out with your buddies, or ask if just a few of your trusted homegirls would be willing to go on a group date. That way they can meet him, realize what qualities made you fall in love, and you guys can have special time together with the addition of one new friend. It works because then they won’t feel as if you are shutting them out of your relationship. You guys can go out for a night on the town — maybe even something as simple as bowling — and they’ll feel assured that you haven’t cut them off for your life or your boo.
Take It Easy With The Sharing
Even if you do decide to tell your friends and family a little more than you would usually share about a recent argument, be careful not to give them too much detail. Even if they ask. Try to figure things out on your own or, if you have the resources, find a couples’ therapist and sit down with them. Make sure that your mediator is someone that isn’t connected to either of you, because there’s nothing worse then finding out that the details of your argument are being discussed when you aren’t around.
Be Firm About What’s Yours
This one may be a tough one, especially if you have some sensitive people in your circle. Although you may be willing to share some details, sometimes certain people — especially if they are known to be sort of pushy — will insert their opinion as to what you need to do in your relationship. This could possibly be one of the biggest ways to ruin what you have going before it even gets going. The first time you notice someone in your life telling you, very specifically, what it is you need to be doing in order to solve a problem in your relationship, nip it in the bud immediately. Let your friends and family know that although you appreciate their input, you will come up with an appropriate decision on your own. They have to understand that there are boundaries set that they need to follow.