Spandex is a Privilege, Not a Right
Something that really irritates me about the gym (other than the obvious act of working out) is the really ridiculous things people wear.
Regular underwear with spandex- Spandex should never be worn with regular underwear, granny panties, and especially not booty shorts. Why? Because it’s tacky and literally everyone can see your underwear. No one needs to know what kind of underwear you have on or see it. Really, this issue should be a non-issue and a worldwide agreement that no one wants to see your underwear in public settings
Juicy Couture Track Suits– Nothing says “serious” like a terry cloth hoodie and matching pants at the gym. Actually, it’s the exact opposite. It is permissible to walk in this to the gym, but to prance around with “juicy” on your butt bundled up like it’s 10 degrees in the gym means that you aren’t working hard enough. Dressing like Snookie at the gym is not going to get you a lifelong partner, and I am fairly certain guys aren’t really into bejeweled terry cloth pants that make you look like a complete tool.
Bra Tops– The gym is not equivalent to the beach. I am fairly certain that I do not want to envy your anorexic frame or see your wrinkly stomach flapping on the treadmill. If you are 65 and wearing this, please, for the sake of everyone just stop! Leave something to the imagination instead.
Rainbow Capris- My favorite lady at the gym has triangle hair, loves rainbow capris, and likes to hog the cardio equipment I always want… So she gets her own number. Her rainbow capris are possibly the most hideous pants I’ve ever seen in my lifetime, and I am entirely uncertain where you find such a… special?? purchase. Please, stay away from tie dye pants at all costs.
White Pants– Yet again, I feel it is necessary to remind people that no one wants to see your underwear… or lack thereof. I believe that white linen or tight pants are yet another unnecessary and unfortunate purchase. In case you were unaware, while white jeans are designed to not be entirely see-through, tight pants are not.
Shorts That Show Your Butt Cheeks- You might think you look wonderful in those shorts, but I must convince you otherwise– no one goes to the gym to see your naked tushy! It is not attractive, cute, and far from classy, so cover yourself up! Short spandex is quite all right, but just don’t cut it too close.
Lots of things are acceptable- like shorts, t-shirts, and fabulous-looking spandex. The ever-adorable store lululemon definitely has the cutest workout clothes I’ve ever seen! There is definitely a way to have fun, look cute, and be classy while sweating!